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Here's Lookin At You Kid!

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Holy shit LiveJournal still exists! (This one is Deep and interesting I promise) [Feb. 15th, 2007|04:27 am]
Here's Lookin At You Kid!
I always thought the world revolved around me, and I always KNEW that LiveJournal revolved around me. Contrary to what I thought before LJ does really exist without me on it....although its much much less awesome.

So in the past 7 months I did a bunch of stuff, my grandma is now currently really sick (She has been on a ventilator for over two weeks) and considering the family I have is her and my mom its taking a big toll on us. Adding her sickness with going to school and working I have been busy as can be and it is kind of a drag.

A bunch of good albums came out and a bunch of super shitty ones came out too. Deftones, Butch Wakler, My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, J Dilla, Clipse, El-P, Mastodon, Jesu, Justin Timberlake, TV On The Radio amongst others have dominated my MP3 player. There are a few good ones on the horizon that I am looking forward to as well.

I got a Nintendo Wii and it is super fun times, Borat was awesome, the Tigers went to the fucking World Series. I saw the Deftones twice, Panic At The Disco, TV On The Radio, Rakim, Mastodon, Slayer, Wolfmother, Butch Walker, Fiona Apple, The Flaming Lips, Sonic Youth, Common and a bunch of others. Wrestlemania is coming up and I am super stoked for that.

I lost a good friend and I'm not even really sure why. I have done some shitty things to people and held stupid grudges before so I am trying my hardest to not to do that anymore. Even with trying very much so to not do that I am so upset that someone who I thought cared about me and vice versa could do one of the coldest things to me ever. People grow apart always but usually it is either naturally or because one does something to hurt the other. The situation that exists now makes me mad because I am pretty sure it was neither one of those, but rather someone who apparently is so disgusted by me that they can't even return a phone call or say hello.

About a month ago something happened that changed my outlook on life. A lady whose husband committed suicide came into the store to sell his CD collection. She was explaining that she tried to convince him not to kill himself for 42 years until it finally happened. I have many times in the past stated that I have no will to live and I really thought that (and to some extent still do). Then I realized that I DO have a will and a reason to live. The will and reason to live is to be there for others and to try to cheer up someone who has a better outlook on life than I do (or did). I still feel like I take way too much from everyone and I need to give more which I am trying to work on but it is a slow thing here. After finishing school I am seriously thinking about trying to get a job where in some way I can help others.

Don't misunderstand me here, I am still very anti-religion and theistic thought. I did however realize that I am intelligent and at the same time extremely lazy. Changing old habits is hard and I am trying to do that very slowly and so far it seems to be working but it is taking a toll on me lately. I still think life really doesn't have a purpose unless you truly make a purpose for it, I have never bothered to make myself have a purpose and I still do not have a purpose to live. The closest thing I have found to this is just to be there for others who you care about.

That is it. Maybe in another 7 months I will post another one of these. My life kind of blows right now and it blows for other reasons that it has before. I have tried to expand my thoughts on things on this and if you have read it all I congratulate you because it was long winded. I hope my grandma gets better and that I can maybe find a job where I'm doing something for someone instead of for myself.